May 26, 2009

one of those conversations...

em: Is it too late? Do we still have time?
me: Of course, there's still time. Don't worry. I can control time.
em: Ya? You have time-controlling power?
me: Ya. That's my special power. You know... they call me X-woman.
em: So you are a man now?
me: ??? (don't get it)
em: X-woman...
me: (the beam of enlightenment struck me) haha... Darling! That was quick!

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:35

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May 21, 2009

the hurt in disguise

Don't you realise? That, by always trying to protect her feelings, you hurt her even more.

People should stop this self-glorification idea about protecting another's feelings by witholding the truth. Or worse, do something that totally deviates from what the truth would be, giving an impression that that protection is the truth. Because it certainly is not.

Like, instead of telling you, "life sucks, deal with it!", it became "life is beautiful, and the problems in life are just a test of your strength and faith."

Sounds like religion to me. I'm spiritual but I'm not into religions. So, don't try.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:01

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are you really laughing with me?

I don't know how to deal with people who feel, in spite of themselves, a need to be nice in order to be nice.

I'm not saying that I'm so self-centred that I cannot emphathise with other people and cannot begin to take care of other people's feelings. Maybe I am, really. But noone has told to my face that I am such a self-centred bitch. So, I take it that I'm not that overbearing.

But the kind I'm talking about here is the kind who would behave like they don't mind and they are, it seems, enjoying your jokes all the time when inside, they totally disagree with you or are irritated with you for being so forthright. I cannot use the word 'hypocritical' because I believe hypocrites are hypocrites because of a hidden agenda. But the kind I'm talking about, is the kind who, somehow, has been injected with the 'Be nice' gene, even with no reason to.

I'm opinionated, I am. I can never and will never deny this. I may not be the best member in the debate team, nor anywhere as eloquent as a lawyer. But I have my opinions and I don't have much inhibitions in letting them be known. Still, I know where to draw my line. I can respect others' feelings and I can respect differences. I don't intentionally say things to hurt people, degrade people, undermine people or expect others to be in line with me.

I use sarcasm for humour effect, sometimes on people whom I think are deserving (in a bad or good way) of it. But the important thing, I think, is that I don't expect the whole world to agree with me and what I think.

You are free to disagree. Or if it struck too close to any nerves, too close to home, then just tell me to stop. Or roll your eyes. I can read body language, thank you very much.

Do anything, say anything to get me to stop. Just don't pretend you're fine or you're ok and you're not offended, especially when your nails are starting to grow and curl with self-defence.

I do not know how to deal with people like that. I trust all my friends, to varying degrees, no doubt. The minimal is that I trust them to be comfortable with my presence and my free-to-air opinions and sarcastic wit. I trust that they would be forthright enough to tell me how they feel if they feel they are under attack. They've gotta tell me. If they don't and one day I find out how they really feel, it becomes a case of misplaced trust.

And really, trust is something that you can't fight for, can only earn; but once lost, you don't know if you'd ever earn it back.

I don't want to think any of my friends are smiling in front of me and rolling their eyes behind my back. Because if I find any like that, I know friendships, like love, can run out of its course and end too.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:37

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May 20, 2009

underneath the skin

Created this funny quiz on FB and invited a couple of my closer or age-old friends to take, and my sisters.

It turned out that most people only knew 12.5% of who I am. haha... Not like it really matters because it is, indeed, a boliao quiz which answers (though not fake) are pretty inconsequential. Plus, I used to set exam multiple-choice papers, so I know how to make MCQs more challenging than it's generally thought to be.

The interesting and insightful bit lies in the answers that I get.

A lot of the takers thought I'm a brave girl, unafraid of anything (specifically, toads, cockroaches and beetles). I expected them to guess cockroaches because well, most women see cockroaches as public enemy no. 1, right? Nope, not me. But I'm not THAT brave too.

A handful of them also guessed I would choose to eat nothing but sushi, sashimi, Chinese soups and vege for one whole month. Admittedly, I love all the afore-mentioned. But, for a whole month? You gotta be kidding! The only person I know who is capable of eating the same thing for a whole month is Emmanuel. That's why I've confidence that he is not the kind who would get bored and cruise for new faces after seeing how I look when I wake up in the morning.

Most people got my favourite fast food resto right. That's kinda strange cos I actually do not eat at the Japanese M that often.

These quizzes at FB are really quite fun and addictive, albeit boliao. hehe

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:57

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May 18, 2009

Just a year ago

Emman is back here in Sg.

And it's been a year since our mutually embarassing bus-stop incident. It's good he hasn't got bored of me, like he said he wouldn't.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:30

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May 13, 2009

one of those conversations...

me: I need you... I need you to come back... to catch cockroach for me.
em: ...
me: I think there might be a cockroach hiding behind my wardrobe. I don't know. I thought I saw something. But I'm not sure, and I'm too scared to spray and force them out.
em: You will scream.
me: Ya! It's all too disgusting. What if a cockroach is laying eggs in my drawer? There's cockroach eggs in my drawer! A colony of baby cockroaches! *arghhhh* Disgusting!
em: No lah, dear. There won't be. Cockroaches don't nest behind wardrobes. They nest under the house, below the flooring. They don't nest behind wardrobes.
me: (urgh...) Is it? Are you sure?
em: Ya, I know. I was a cockroach in my past life.
me: (laughs out loud)
em: Now, are you convinced?

xxx
em: Maybe the cockroach just went behind your wardrobe to die. It will die there.
me: Oh, my god.
em: Remember I found a dead cockroach for you that time... when I helped you with spring cleaning?
me: Ya! Urgh... That's gross! So, they are starting a cockroach cemetery behind my wardrobe?
em: Well, maybe Choa Chu Kang is just too far.
me: Uhhuh. So, they decided to come to Ang Mo Kio St 21, Block xxx, #xx-xxx, the first room on the left... and make it into a cockroach cemetery?

(p.s. the boyfriend is in Jakarta, but ever so 'qute'!)

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:15

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May 10, 2009

just a to z

He's right. Whenever I need some time out, some way to release a little, I turn to words. I turn to language.

We are each trying to be the only one who understands each other the most.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:33

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Yellow.

That's the song that always gets to me. I don't miss Kay. Really. Not anymore. Just hearing that song, it doesn't make me miss her. It only makes me remember the fragments of that year or so. I remember a girl who skips around, who humms 'Yellow', and whose eyes quite practically lit up at the mention of banana. A girl who would, with no reservations, ask something like, "Do you shave your leg hair? You have a lot of them."

Wonder how far have I walked away from that past-tense of me... Not walked away like, moved on. Because I know I have. I'm totally in love with Emmanuel now. *smiles* Yes, I am.

But, 'walked away' like, how much I've changed. I also wonder what might be the song, or the place, or the scent, or the expression, or the... that would have defined who I was in that year or so.

In the end, we all move on. Nobody has to be stronger for anyone, for any cause, after a rough patch in life. Of course you can choose to be. But, really... the least we need to do is to just drift along in time. Drift along... and when we found that we start asking a different set of questions, that's when we may have indeed moved on.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:21

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May 09, 2009

separation

The boyfriend is scheduled to return to Jakarta tomorrow morning. For a week.

The boyfriend seems to have more issues at being left behind than to leave. On the other hand, I usually find it more difficult to leave than to be left behind. Good, right? You'd think. But that means more solo holidays for him and less for me. Well, not that we are going anywhere, solo, these days. hahahaha

Have a very good stay, boyfriend. ^^

And DUN buy unnecessary stuff back, for yourself or for me. You know what I mean.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:18

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May 08, 2009

one of those conversations...

me: Does she know I had a girlfriend before?
em: Ya, I think so.
me: Really? You told her? Cos I didn't.
em: ... Ya... I think I told her.
me: Ok. So... she must be thinking I'm like so cool? Damn cool...? Or what?
em: Darling, you are! You are an adjective already.
me: -_-" Ya?
em: Ya! Like, that's so Jancy. Your name is an adjective.
me: Right, I'm beyond words.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:07

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May 06, 2009

breather

I'm not breathing! I need to breathe! *in... out* *in... out*

I'm watching Grey's Anatomy, 2nd episode in a morning. It's really intense, really. So intense I was not breathing and I am taking a breather here, here in my blog, just writing.

Ya, I know. I watch TV series, 2 episodes at 1130am! What the hell?!?! Shouldn't I be working like most other people? Hey, just get over it ok!

This is too much... the intensity of this episode cos it's a whole uninterrupted series of ER from a ferry disaster site. And Meredith has fallen into the sea cos a patient, well, kicked her over accidentally.

I'm here to breathe... just breathe...

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:28

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May 03, 2009

AWARE - We are now.

Heartened about the conclusion of the AWARE saga.

In a way, I'm sorry I was not there. Not actively present. Didn't spend 40 bucks to join and cast my vote. But, I've been keeping myself informed. And so has Karen. Thanks, woman! (and Thank you, Facebook!)

Most of all, Thank you, for restoring AWARE.

To the new ex-EXCO: Our prayers have been answered, all pun intented. Halleluah!

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:54

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der/die/das Deutsch

Sie, Du, Dir, Dich....

I think German grammar might be one of the factors for the duration of WWII. I also suspect Hitler's German Language teacher was Jew and he didn't do very well in the grammar class tests.

Complicating language is not making it clearer; it's just complicating it. But I'm persevering! It's getting confusing up there but still, quite fun. heh...

Now I can whine when Emman 'remarks' about Chinese pronouncation and intonation. It's our latest couple past time. yay!!!

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:36

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May 02, 2009

Juz for the record

"Sometimes, boyfriends can be jerks. But it doesn't mean you stop talking to them."
Derek Shephard, Grey's Anatomy - Season 3

Oh ya, McDreamy. You got it so damn right!

Why is it that boyfriends really want, or even expect you to talk even more when they have behaved like jerks? Uh... I know. Because silence, is the worst punishment. It calls out the insecure monster within a man.

And, if you are a smart kind of woman, you know how to use that to your advantage.

Not me. I'm not smart, and I can't be smart like that. Not anymore.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:36

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